The Rogue Player
by Suger
Summary: It's Harry's 5th year and he hates himself. Vernon gets drunk alot which doesn't help at all. And Snape gets to help him...
1. Where's Harry?

A/N: Hi there, I don't think I'm a good writer so I don't mind flames, but I just had a crave for writing one night and what the heck, I've decided to post it up. So Please R&R-again flames are welcomed.  
  
  
  
Sickly blood, slowly trailing down his face. Battered and bruised unable of a steady breath he laid on the floor forgotten to all except his faithful owl whom could do not what was needed. Harry had a hard enough time with nightmares nightly, emotional trauma, and much guilt. But amidst all of that his uncle had lost it. Vernon Dursley was not doing so well in work and he also had to live up to the embarrassment that he housed a wizard which he was sure had hexed him to lose his job. He started up drinking a little at first then gradually it took over his life. The biggest problem for Harry about his uncle's drinking was that he had a bad temper that got worse with each glass of liquor. The anger held in Vernon made his imagination take over and now he believes full heartedly that all the wrong in the world lies within Harry. Beatings became routine as soon as Harry was well enough to stand he'd be broken yet again. Harry could have or would have done something if not he believed that he deserved this.  
  
In his mind this was the world's way of getting back at him for not only defying death too many times but also for taking a life, and innocent life away and yet still survive himself. He did not agree with the many letters sent to him from his friends, he did deserve to die but that would be too nice for him to be able to forget it all. In stead he took a sick demented painful joy in getting as close to death as he could but have no where to hide from the agony of it all.  
  
Only a couple of weeks into the holidays and he suspected he had 3 cracked ribs, 5 being bruised, a couple fractures in his arms and legs, with ghastly gashes and bruises which in time would turn to scars. All together it wasn't enough for him to forgive himself yet. He heard aloud belch coming from down stairs, usually signaling the drinking has begun again. Yelling slurred yelling's, then the creaking of the stairs as Vernon approached his room. Harry looked up he had only been on the ground for less then 24 hours. The door burst open reviling a large purplish man holding his belt in one hand and a vodka bottle in the other.  
  
"YOU AND YOU KIND!" he started out like that often, "YOU ARE THE ONES THAT MAKE THIS WORKD WRONG WITH OUT ALL OF OU WE"D LIVE HAPPILY. YOU BLOODY BRAT!" Vernon took the belt and whipped Harry in the face cutting him in the eye. He hit him again in the chest and again and again. After tired from his belt he just pulled Harry up from the ground and pushed him roughly against a wall. Right hook into the face – nose broken – left hand into his guts almost making Harry throw up, if he had any food in his stomach to begin with. A slap here a bang there all being lost in Harry's head till Vernon took a chair and bashed Harry over the head with it. All concrescences fled from him. Vernon just kept on abusing him.  
  
Hermione and Ron searched the whole table in hopes that they just missed Harry on the train or that he had came back early.  
  
"I don't see him anywhere! Ron I'm really worried!" Hermione whispered as Jessica Polo was sorted into Hufflepuff.  
  
"Me too, do you think we should ask someone where he is?"  
  
"If he doesn't show up by dessert then we will talk to Dumbledore." She decided.  
  
"K, But I just want him to hurry up and get here."  
  
The sorting for them seem to take an eternity and then some. After the last on them were seated Dumbledore stood up and announced, "Tuck in." As fabulous as the food appeared to be the two friends did not eat much. When the plates cleared and reappeared with pies and custards, Hermione jumped up followed by Ron and practically ran up to the top table.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but…" Hermione tried to explain.  
  
"It's quite alright, what is troubling you?"  
  
"Well…. We were wondering if you knew where Harry was?" getting steadily faster, "See he wasn't on the train or at dinner and we haven't heard a word from him all summer and we are very worried about him." Exhaling deeply, glad that she was done. But when she looked up into the face of her headmaster's she wish she didn't. Worry was sketched all over his aging face.  
  
"Are you sure you did not see him?" While looking at all of the tables searching desperately for him. She and Ron nodded. "Thank you for informing me, I'll contact you as soon as I know more- please keep this event quite though." They made their way back to their spots just as Dumbledore whispered something to McGonagall and Snape. Snape and the headmaster got up and departed quickly leaving McGonagall to give the welcoming speech. Ron and Hermione looked at each other worriedly, knowing they wouldn't get any sleep tonight.  
  
"Excuse me Mr. Dursley, I am here to see Harry Potter, is he in?" Dumbledore asked when the door opened before him.  
  
"Your one of those, aren't you? I don't want you kind here……Hiccup….So be gone." Breath reeking of cheap whiskey, Snape just pushed him lightly and to his surprise Vernon Dursley past out entirely on the wooden floor.  
  
"Oops" Snape said monotony not caring in the least.  
  
"Come on he must be upstairs." Once coming to the right room they turned on a light and both men gasped at what they saw. No more respect then road kill, on the ground, smelling of rotting and blood was a boy so broken, in a pool of his own blood they were supposed to see the shallow and raged raising and falling of his chest. Anger raging through them they didn't even notice that Harry had came to. Looking up at their faces, realizing how bad he must look, just quietly but auditable in the dead silence, "Don't worry I deserve this and so much more." before passing out again.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: A lot shorter than what I would have liked, but I am going to continue with this story, but I need some help, I have the next chapter written but I'll need to type it up. So please send me long term ideas. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Bu Bye 


	2. If One Way Doesn't Work, Try The Other

A/N: I will tell you now that I have more chapters ready to go, as soon as I type them. I write out page after page of my big handwriting just to never have time to type them out! So I'll get the next chapter out to you as soon as I can.  
  
I would like to THANK:  
  
Kay  
  
Bubby  
  
Canary  
  
Rowen Mafair  
  
Jenia Simmons *Kelsey  
  
Cassie  
  
Crashdown2005  
  
MoonlitPhoenix  
  
Angela  
  
Sec Rickman  
  
Prophetess of hearts  
  
WittchWay  
  
Lady FoxFire  
  
  
  
Thank you so much for your reviews they do mean a lot to me.  
  
  
  
And To Lady FoxFire: Dudley was originonaly in one part but it was a really dumb and really pointless part so I took it out. And Mrs. Dursley was not in it because she doesn't care what her husband does to Harry as long as he is nice to her and Dudley which he is.  
  
And to Canary: THANK YOU SO MUCH IT REALLY HELPED!  
  
  
  
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Upon waking up in bright white light with everything around him white, in a comfortable bed he thought he must had kicked the can finally, but he couldn't understand why everything was white. Wasn't Hell supposed to be red? His vision cleared a little and he realized that he was in the Hogwart's hospital wing. He reached out to the table next to him, finding his glasses on his face.  
  
"Oh good, your awake you had me quite worried." Madame Pomfrey said as she made her way over with some type of soup in her hands.  
  
"Why?" Harry asked drawlingly  
  
"Why what?" a confused nurse asked.  
  
"Why were you worried about me?"  
  
"Because I thought that you might of died." Truly thinking that he didn't know, well he knew, he just didn't understand why.  
  
"What's so wrong with that?" Harry spoke so monotone, so defeated, so serous that Madam Pomfrey dropped the sip she was carrying. Picking it up, saying, "Don't kid such a subject, I'll be back in a min," rushing away to tell the headmaster that Harry was awake. As she went to the door she thought that she heard a quite voice say, "I wasn't kidding."  
  
"Hello Harry. How are you feeling today?" Harry didn't even respond to him not even acknowledging anyone was in the same room as him. A blank look of guilt laid fast to his face. "Not talkative today, eh? Probably hurts too much to talk? I'll have Professor Snape bring up some painkiller potion."  
  
"No." Definite and clear.  
  
"No? Why not? Don't you hurt?" No response. Harry had gone back into his trance like state. "I'll comeback tomorrow, then we will have a talk okay?" With that the headmaster left.  
  
Later Snape came in carrying a goblet full of some most likely foul tasting liquid.  
  
"Drink this!" He tried to hand it to him. Harry laid there with out moving. "What's wrong to scared to move?" he sneered, "or are you too proud to take anything from me, too proud just like your father."  
  
"SHUT UP. My father was not proud." Snape smirked, too easy to get him to talk, even when no one else could.  
  
"Yes he is and you're just like him."  
  
"No he wasn't. I'm not just like him – he deserves happiness, I just deserve paint and suffering, like all of the pain and suffering I've caused."  
  
"Fine be that way. If you want it, the goblet is right here." Setting it on the table. Getting up and leaving Harry watched him go, wondering why he said so much – he doesn't want people to be watching over him because they were forced to. He could already see them each taking a sift, complaining on end about him.  
  
  
  
Soon night fell. Madam Promfrey was asleep with in her office and Harry was quite alone, wide awake. Slowly, quietly he got out of bed even when all of he's muscles screamed at him to stay put. After a day of thinking he realized he'd receive no more of what he deserves while he was here, so he crept down to the entering hall not sure where he was going. He slipped out of the castle unnoticed; slowly descending down to the forest where he knew he could hide until he decides where to go from there. The cold air was around him cutting into his raw and broken skin, walking deeper and deeper in to the forest. After a couple of hours he was too tired to continue on, he cursed himself for being so weak and stopping to ease his suffering, even a little bit. Looking around he found a fallen branch that had pine needles on it still. Crawling under it for a bit of warmth he closed his eyes and fell asleep.  
  
Sunrise was beautiful, coming through the trees with bright yellow piercing the gray sky. Mist reflecting the specks of light perfectly. Harry woke and evaluated where he was, remembering what happened he slowly got up and started walking on the path he was before. He wasn't sure where it lead to but he didn't care. Walking all alone, hearing his stomach complain loudly every so often. Finally sick of the noise, he picked up some berries hoping they'd be poisonous. They got his tummy to be quite but they didn't harm him in the least. Walking most of the day every so often stopping to rest realizing, even though his fractures and breaks had been fixed, they were still very soar and weak. Around what he figured was five o' clock by the sound of his stomach, Hedwig appeared and landed on his shoulder, in her claws a note. As soon as he touched the note he felt the usual feeling of the hook right behind his belly button being jerked. As soon as he was transported to Dumbledore's office, he did the first thing he could think of, he screamed as if he would die if he did not stop screaming. Louder and louder and then he stopped, looked up, and saw two men just staring at him scared and bewildered. Before the shock left them Harry ran for it. Up, Up he went up to the astronomy tower with a bit of hesitation, till he saw he saw Snape about to reach him, he jumped. Falling down and down smiling knowing at last this will all be over, all is done. No more worries, no more anything. With thirty feet left he felt himself slowing down and by the time he got to the ground he safely touched down, Now raging mad with self loathing and hate, he ran into the castle and ran again not knowing where he was going, till he say a picture with a bowl of fruit on it. Tickling the pear and dashing in he looked around all of the house elfs running around busily. Harry felt the heavy clinging house elf fasten it self around his waist. Knowing to speak carefully, "Hello Dobby." He said.  
  
"Hello mister Harry Potter sir."  
  
You know what; I would really like a steak. Do you have any around here?"  
  
"Steak sir, Dobby gets you a steak," Dobby ran to make a steak for Harry. Bringing back a mouth watering steak.  
  
"Yum smells great Dobby. I'm going to go eat it in the common room; do you have a knife I can use to cut this up with?"  
  
"Oh yes, Harry Potter sir, I have the best knife for that, sharp and perfect for steak, Dobby get it for you sir." Bringing him the knife and missing the glint in Harry's eyes. They said good bye and Harry ran for Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, thinking that she would know a lot about this stuff, to make it as painful as possible.  
  
"Myrtle I need your help."  
  
"You need my help? What trying to kill yourself?"  
  
"Yes in fact," watching her closely for her reaction.  
  
"Really? Why?" She took great interest in this.  
  
"Because….Err….Um……" He wasn't sure how to explain it. "Because here I cannot have the suffering I deserve." 'What a stupid thing to say, I must sound like a real prat now,' he thought.  
  
"Then leave here."  
  
"I tried, they port keyed me back. Look not to rush you on your high point for this century or anything but I'd kind of like to get this over with."  
  
"Why are you going to share my toilet with me?"  
  
"What kind of question is that?"  
  
"A good one." Obviously Myrtle liked knowing things others didn't.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well you'll most likely become a ghost, like me."  
  
"What – Why – Can ghost feel pain?"  
  
"Well I could tell you….."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"For you to live."  
  
"What?! Why? You of all people I would have thought would help me!"  
  
"People, pea…pea…, People!" A big wet tear spilled out of her eye followed by another. "I use to be considered a person but not anymore. Without …." Wail "…body I'm not a person." 'Oh bother' Harry thought.  
  
"Well look I'm sorry. But why must you ask me such an insane thing?"  
  
"Insane! You're my only friend and what if you kill yourself and your not a ghost, huh"  
  
"Well, like you said before – I will be!"  
  
She didn't hear him over her wailing. "Screw this" Harry muttered. He took out the knife throwing the steak into the trash. Staring at the knife, cold stainless steel, long and sharp. He slowly stabbed it into his left wrist watching with satisfaction the blood seep out and letting it drop on to the floor. Myrtle took one look and screamed and cried even louder. Harry didn't care; he had a faint smile playing onto his lips. As he slowly moved the upwards splitting his vain open, more blood, and more blood gushed out of his pale cold skin. Taking the blood he wrote on the wall the date and his name as a farewell to the world. Little by little a black soothing darkness took over his world. Dropping the knife to the ground unable to pick it up to cut his other arm. Grinning madly he sat down so that he wouldn't fall and knock himself out while he died. He needed this pain, he needed it, to make up for his parent's, for Cedric, and for everyone else he has hurt. He couldn't feel his hand and his legs were going next, the darkness was taking over. He fought to be able to watch himself in the mirror, to watch himself die. But by doing so he was dieing faster. How much blood had left him now? He did not know. He couldn't hear Myrtle anymore. At last he felt the cold over take the rest of his body, claiming it for it's self.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Plz. Review. THANK YOU EVER SOOOO MUCH! Oh and Flames are okay too. 


	3. Not a Black and White World

Dumbledore stood up at breakfast, once every one was there. Slightly shaking,  
  
with a grave look upon his face he said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but Harry Potter, The  
  
Boy Who Lived, has died." A murmur of frantic scared voices filled the room. "This was  
  
Not an act from Voldemort but a self inflicted wound after years of pain and suffering. I  
  
believe a moment of silent would be most proper at this time." He looked down at his  
  
plate and silence followed when he looked up he had a tear falling down his face.  
  
McGonagall burst out crying a Snape even had to hold him self back from a sorrow  
  
look. The only people that did not seem to care overly were the Sylitherins, especially  
  
Draco Malfoy. Hermione ran out of the room crying in disbelief. Ron just sat there cold  
  
staring at his forgotten food. Everyone was sadden and looking glum if not crying freely.  
  
Dumbledore continued, "There will be a funeral for him in one weeks time, here in the  
  
Great Hall at 7. You are not expected to attend but it would be appreciated. Classes will  
  
be dismissed for the rest of the day. Also the girls bathroom on the second floor, where  
  
the ghost Myrtle resigns, is off limits to everyone. If anyone wants to talk or just be  
  
listened to, myself and the rest of the staff members are all ways here to help." With that  
  
walked out of the Great Hall in search of Ms. Granger, leaving behind the rest of  
  
Hogwarts to their own sorrow.  
  
For the rest of the week, not a happy face was seen. Laughter was gone from the old  
  
halls of Hogwarts as with the student's sprit. Soon the day of Harry's funeral had come. The  
  
tables in the Great Hall were all swept away except for one smaller one where the teacher's  
  
table usually was. There on the table was a casket with its lid closed. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley  
  
were in the front row crying their eyes out. "If only … I …ha..ha..had…Harry…ov…ov…ove…over  
  
…this summer……he might still be Here!" She bawled out. Soon the whole room was filled to  
  
the rim of many people dressed in formal black robes. The ones in the front rows knew Harry  
  
very well, Hermione, Ron and his family, the Qudditch team, the teachers, and all of  
  
Gryffindor. The next section was the rest of the school and people that knew him okay. In the  
  
back were many, many people that Harry didn't know, but they all came to morn the lost of  
  
the boy who had saved them all. Not a dry eye in the house, as Dumbledore spoke of how  
  
wonderful Harry was. Everyone saddened and heartbroken. Even the reporters had a hard  
  
time in asking people questions for their stories. After the ceremony, only Harry's closest  
  
friends gathered to watch the casket with him inside it be buried. On his Tomb stone it read:  
  
Rest In Peace,  
  
Harry James Potter  
  
6 feet under,  
  
where he resides,  
  
the boy who lived,  
  
the boy who died,  
  
all that knew him,  
  
knew of his strengths,  
  
and just how great  
  
a human can be.  
  
  
  
Saving everyone from the worst,  
  
Voldemort, came too soon,  
  
For Baby Harry beat him too  
  
On and on  
  
As Harry Grew  
  
He found and fought  
  
To save our world  
  
Wishes that he could be  
  
Saved from this place  
  
Alive with hope and risen again  
  
We say good bye to  
  
Our hero  
  
Harry Potter  
  
The Boy Who Lived  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Hehehe Sorry I had to do that, just because everyone was so sure that I didn't kill Harry off, because I said that there was a next chapter. You are lucky I guess if you wanted Harry to live because I might have gone along that line if I didn't already write a lot of it out. Anyways, Thankz to all of you that Reviewed, it all ways helps me to make time to type out and post the next chapter.  
  
Here's the list for chapter 2 that I would like to say THANKS! to:  
  
-Melissa Lupin  
  
-Canary: It seems that all my teachers are sadistic!  
  
-Severus Snape: Almost thought of not adding you but for 100 house points I might do just about anything! (Love the name!)  
  
-Kay  
  
-MoonlitePhoenix  
  
-Prophetess Of Hearts: I might sound dumb in asking but what's *Rae*?  
  
-Kelsey  
  
-Besnaped: I really like your SN.  
  
-Teigra  
  
-Nicky  
  
-Sev Rickman: I like your SN too.  
  
  
  
And now on with the story, plz R&R:  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Harry awoke once again. What a torture this was for himself. Thinking that he smiled a  
  
demented evil and cruel smile. This is what he wanted pure torture. Opening his eyes,  
  
grabbing his glasses looking around. Soon his eyes rested on……..Snape? Why was he here?  
  
"Finally you're awake."  
  
"But how?"  
  
"That darn ghost was making such a racket; I got the honor to find out what was wrong with  
  
her. You were almost dead, pity that I refuse not to be the one which kills you." What was  
  
that? A hint of a smile? Coming from Snape?!  
  
"Then go get a knife sir. Or maybe you would prefer a potion?"  
  
"Oh, shut up. I tried to tell the head master I don't joke. But nooooo, 'try to make him laugh'  
  
'laughter is the best medicine'…" He went on to himself.  
  
"You're talking to yourself."  
  
"Then talk with me; why are you killing yourself?"  
  
"Because I get a kick out of defying death so many times." Sarcasm Harry could tell that it  
  
was taking every thing out of Snape to talk to him politely and as if he really cared about him.  
  
"Fine, but if you don't talk to me then its day in day out with a over cheerful Dumbledore."  
  
"Only choices?"  
  
"Quite"  
  
"Why, may I ask, are you one of my choices?" He meant it as an insult and at first he thought  
  
it worked, because the potion master's face became lost and oddly calm of past horrors replayed inside his head.  
  
"Because I once was in the same place as you. Not feeling of any worth but through pain I  
  
might come to get over or revenge the people I've killed." Pausing for a good moment, looking  
  
around and continuing on, unsure if he should tell him, "I was a Death Eater for five years.  
  
Straight out of Hogwarts I was promised power and respect from all. I was told that I'd have a  
  
real family. My father who died when I was 6 and my mum when I was 14. Having a family  
  
again was something I longed for. I moved quickly through the ranks to the inner circle. I  
  
killed many with out a thought about it. Till one night when a little girl cried out to me, after I  
  
killed her parent's and was going to kill her next, she asked me, 'Why did you take my family  
  
away from me? Why? I need my mum and dad. Why?' crying her little eyes out and I realized  
  
that I have been taking away other's families, just like mine was from me." A single tear ran  
  
down his face not bothering to wipe it away, "I tried everything to make myself feel better – I  
  
told Dumbledore and I turned coat. But that wasn't enough for me. I brought pain to myself  
  
physically much like what you did and when that was not enough for me I turned to death.  
  
Dumbledore helped me through it. Slowly and painfully in a bad way I got through it, both  
  
unsure of what to do. Now he has asked me to tell you my story and for me to help you, by  
  
talking and what not. I agreed rather quickly for helping you understand how wonderful life is  
  
doesn't just help you, but myself also." Harry stared at Snape rather confused at why he  
  
opened up so much to him? Did he really want to help him? Could he help him? The story  
  
impacted him more than he would ever thought but along with who and how he shared the  
  
story made him start to wonder if there was a way besides death. Maybe, maybe not. Snape  
  
had left with out a word, letting Harry contemplate the world by himself.  
  
  
  
Once again waking the next day, Harry saw Madam Promfery asleep on a chair right in front of the door, keeping guard. Harry had decided that Snape made the story up just to suck up to the headmaster or something. But today he wasn't quite as sure as he was yesterday. Sure the potion Mater could just be a good actor but could you really fake that tear or the haunting look in his eyes? Wither way Harry looked at it, it could be true. The once almost black and white world had turned into a rainbow of colors, each flashing and changing. Harry felt like torturing himself instead of deciding something as comical as if Snape was just abducted by aliens. How could he think like that? He had no right to. But upon realizing that since he felt like torturing himself, torture would be what he wanted – therefore not it wouldn't be torture just cruel entertainment. But if he didn't cause himself even more  
  
hardships then he wouldn't be torturing wither……… and so on.  
  
  
  
'Life sucks!' He yelled, throwing his hands up in disgust. 'Okay that's it, lets just go back to plan A – end it all!'  
  
"Oh, glad to see your up. Did you sleep well?"  
  
"Oh just shut up you old bat." He spitted out, sick of cheerful people. He didn't want conversation – is that so hard to ask for?  
  
"Well quite rude! And to think I was going to feed you, maybe I won't now." With that she left for her office.  
  
  
  
'Hmmm… Door open equals Jack Pot!' Getting out of bed and walking to the door, as soon as he got there though it opened before him where Dumbledore stood.  
  
"Why, hello Harry. How are you today?" A grunt in reply. "Very good. Now where might you be heading?"  
  
'AHHH! Stop with the darn cheerfulness. Wait, me being good equals him thinking I'm okay which equals me having freedom, freedom to kill myself! Perfect that's plan……. Plan number ummm which number am I on? Oh right, plan 7."  
  
"I was just going to go tell Hermione and Ron where I was sir, I wouldn't want them to worry about me." He added a sugar sweet smile.  
  
"Nice try Potter."  
  
"Why hello Professor Snape, how might you be today?" 'Crap of course he has to come up here'  
  
"Stop pretending, I can see right through it."  
  
"What might you mean sir?" Dumbledore cut in before Snape could say anything.  
  
"I will be talking to Ronald and Hermione today. I'll tell them that you are alright, now Harry back to bed. I know that you shouldn't be up yet, after all that has happened."  
  
"FINE! JUST TAKE AWAY ALL OF MY FREEDOM!" Harry yelled as he stomped off back to bed.  
  
"Don't anger my patient or I'll have to ask you to leave! Here Harry, I want you to eat all of this." Handing him a bowl with some type of meat soup in it.  
  
"No."  
  
"And, why not this time?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Well you have to eat this, you need food!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then I'm going to strap you down and force feed you."  
  
"Ahh….time for me to be leaving. Have a good day." And with that the Headmaster left with a wink.  
  
"Here give me that bowl, if anyone gets to strap him down I get to." Snape said with that dang smile again.  
  
"Fine here." As left for her office once again.  
  
"Not funny? Didn't think so. He's still telling me to try and make you laugh, but I'm not funny in the least."  
  
"Talking to your self again."  
  
"Well then talk with me."  
  
"Is that your way of breaking the ice or something?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You come in here, make a ….joke….about hurting me in one form or another and then talk to yourself till I tell you so, then the riot of telling me to talk with you."  
  
"Um...no"  
  
"Now you're lying."  
  
"Right – let's get down to the reason I'm here."  
  
"And that being?"  
  
"To tell you how wonderful life is of course."  
  
"Don't want to hear it so thank you for stopping by, please don't come back."  
  
"Too bad."  
  
"Then answer me this." Harry's face came to appear as if torn on if he should ask or not.  
  
"What is it? I will only answer truthfully."  
  
"Okay then, why are you the one well more like why are you willing to help me?"  
  
"Because," dead silence, "I feel as if I help you I can feel as if more of my dept to society is paid off. So as I said before helping you helps me."  
  
"So you don't care about me, just your own selfish reasons then?"  
  
"Well…." How hard for him to say this, years down the drain, "I do care about your welfare."  
  
"Right – nice talking don't return"  
  
"No wait, I well…..err…..I ……um….. Well I as you know was not your father's friend in the least, correct? Well, can't believe that I'm telling you this, well I was your mother's friend. Lilly was great. She didn't care what house or what you looked like. She was loving and caring. Everyone loved her and wanted to be her friend, which worked perfectly because to Lily everyone was her friend."  
  
"And you didn't want to tell me this why?" You're a loser expression pasted on his face.  
  
"Let me get to it, well I was one of her very close friends and when she told me that she knew that she as going to marry James, I freaked out. I told her how alful he was and everything he has done to me. She just laughed then she asked me if I'd hate her child when she had one. As much as I hated James I told her that anything that comes from her can't be hated; only loved."  
  
"Your not trying to say that you……..err….um….."  
  
"No, of course not." Snape said going a bit red in the face, "You ended up being half James."  
  
A hint, a whisper, of a smile flashed upon Harry's face. In that second Harry decided that Snape, even with his odd personality change, was telling the truth.  
  
"Sir, I would like to go see Myrtle."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Please Read and Review. Flames about it are welcomed of course. I'll try to get the next chapter out before preparing for the finals start for me! I HATE FINALS! But at least as soon as they are done school is out! Till next time! 


	4. The World is Back Again

A/N: Oh I know it's been forever and then some since I have last updated, sorry about that. I had written it out and then went to camp and when I got home I found that my mom had moved a lot of my stuff around and I couldn't find it again. I was moving around my stuff yet again a couple of nights ago and found it and was very happy, so I read it and then typed up all the pages I had, so this is a lot longer than I usually can do but I thought I owed it to ya'll to type it all up. So Please R and R cause this story is back on line!  
  
  
  
~~~ The look on the professor's face was priceless. Harry smiled a bit more.  
  
"Why would you want to see her?"  
  
"A promise." 'Well not really a promise but close enough.'  
  
"I'll arrange that, but first you must eat this." The bowl of soup was back again.  
  
"The whole thing?"  
  
"Fine, but at least half. Let me go talk to Poppy."  
  
Before Harry went into the bathroom where Myrtle was he stopped and turned to Snape, "May I go in alone please?"  
  
With a wary look he agreed, "But only for five minuets."  
  
"Hello Myrtle." A ghost came out of a stall and smiled happily at Harry.  
  
But then her smile faltered, "This means we can't haunt the castle together now?"  
  
"Maybe later, but you made a deal with me. I didn't kill myself so how do people become ghosts?"  
  
"Is that the only reason you've come in here?" Tears starting to form.  
  
"No, no I came to talk to you also. I had to ask special permission to go anywhere at all."  
  
Looking satisfied, "well there are two main ways to become a ghost, no three. The first one is if you have had terror in your life that leaves you un able to rest, this gives you a way to revenge your tormentors by haunting them. The second is if you didn't fulfill your purpose in life, and the third one is if you are so bad and yet so good that you can't enter Heaven or Hell. A rare trait but none the less affective."  
  
"Does it hurt to become a ghost?"  
  
"Not overly."  
  
"And do you have to learn how to go through things or do you just do it?"  
  
Harry's five minuets were up, Professor Snape had came in to hear the last question, "It is time to go."  
  
"Yes sir, Goodbye Myrtle." "Bye Harry, come visit again." Once outside of the little bathroom, Snape turned to Harry, "Why were you asking such things?" He didn't say it harshly like he normally would have but instead as if he truly cared which surprised Harry.  
  
"Because I wanted to know."  
  
"Is that the promise you made?"  
  
"Somewhat. If I didn't kill myself then she would tell me why I'd be a ghost."  
  
"Who said you would be a ghost?"  
  
"She did."  
  
"Alright," They silently walked back to the hospital wing.  
  
Over the next week Harry refused to talk to anyone but Snape and Myrtle when she came to visit. Even when they allowed Ron and Hermione in to see him, he wouldn't even acknowledge them. Harry was just as morbid and upset, but at least he stopped trying to kill himself, no matter how much he wanted to.  
  
One day while there Snape, decided to see how much Harry trusted him, It surprised him when Harry had been so open to him while shutting everyone else out. "So Harry tell me who is the lucky witch you've got your eye on?" Knowing he wouldn't answer truthfully.  
  
"No one, as of late"  
  
"Oh, really, then who did you use to like?"  
  
Looking around to make sure no one was around he whispered, "Cho Chang of Ravenclaw."  
  
Snape was utterly shocked; he never thought that Harry would have told him. "Nice choice, picking a smart one."  
  
"Sir, may I ask who you like, or use to like?"  
  
Not wanting to answer but also knowing that Harry would shut him out entirely if he doesn't answer he replied, "The last woman I liked was Madam Rosetta."  
  
"Not bad." Harry felt that he could trust Snape with anything. For one the night Snape didn't stay late with him was the night Harry had a nightmare, he saw Snape telling Voldemort that Dumbledore is trusting him less and less, which in turn ended with Snape getting Crucio, while Harry got a head ach. Seeing Snape pay for his mistakes made Harry cling to him, knowing he was the only one that truly knew how he felt.  
  
"Harry you are going to need to attend school again, sometime."  
  
"I know. But what if I lose it. What if Malfoy drives me crazy and I try to end it all again? What if I'm not ready to go back I don't want to end up a ghost?"  
  
"Well by saying all of that I'm sure you'll be fine. And if you ever need to talk just come to me, when ever."  
  
A teary eyed Harry flung his arms around the Potion Master. After a second of hesitation Snape hugged him back. Harry just sobbed. "Harry what's wrong?"  
  
"Just that well no one's really has been able to be there for me in the past, and I'm so thankful for you saving me and putting up with me. Even though I'm half James."  
  
Snape chuckled at that. "No problem Harry, no problem."  
  
Harry didn't want to go back to a dorm full of boys so he requested a privet room, and was granted his request as long as Dobby was watching him at all times while alone. Harry didn't mind that at all. He understood the need to have him there.  
  
After having a day to get settled and unpack the supplies purchased for him he was heading to his first class back, History of Magic. Once in the class room, being early, he picked a seat in the very back corner close to the door. When Hermione and Ron entered they came sprinting up to him.  
  
"Hello Harry." He looked up at their hopeful faces but didn't reply. A hurt expression formed on their faces, when Harry nodded to the chairs next to him. Satisfied with that Hermione hugged him quickly letting go. "Harry we've been so worried and .."  
  
"We are glad to have you back." Ron butted in.  
  
Harry smiled a bit in appreciation but still silent. Ron and Hermione didn't seem to car, they were just so happy for him to be back safe. Class went by and Harry managed to stay awake the entire time which had to be a record. Next was lunch, Harry was expected to start eating in the Great Hall again. As much as he didn't want to, if he didn't show up people would be worried and he would be hungry. 'Anyways,' he reasoned with himself, 'next is double potions to look forward to, Snape will be there.'  
  
Slowly Harry entered the Hall with his friends. As Harry sat down he could hear many whispers about his absence. All the Gryffindor were asking him where he has been, endless chatter, drilling into his head. Trying to block it out with his hands he got up and ran for it. Quickly Snape left the Staff Table. While looking for Harry, he heard the drawing voice of Draco. "Well Potter decided to hide as long as you could? Scared everyone will hate you for killing Cedric?" Snape quickened his pace almost running, terming the corner. "If I were you I'd kill myself by now, what Potty going to cry now? You little."  
  
"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape found them, "2 weeks of detention and 30 points from Slytherin!"  
  
Harry ran to Snape clinging to him for dear life. "It's okay Harry. You did no do anything wrong. Mr. Malfoy I suggest you leave unless you want 20 more taken away." Draco, who's mouth had been wide open the whole time, promptly shut it and left with out a word. "Harry, never ever listen to what Mr. Malfoy says."  
  
"He told me the truth." Stony; backing away from Snape, "He's telling me what I've already known."  
  
"No he's not. You did not murder any one. What were you going to do, if I was not here like I promised?"  
  
"I probably would have shocked Malfoy then try jumping again."  
  
"Well first off besides the shocking him, that is stupid; all we've been working for would have been lost, and secondly after your last jump there is a charm preventing any student from being able to jump."  
  
"And I'm guessing you've also charmed all objects that are sharp so they can't pierce skin also?"  
  
"Correct you are and I've also disposed of all my poisons, so you can't kill your self that way either."  
  
"Drat you for being so prepared and concerned." A small hopeful smile crept to Harry's face. Un known to both that Draco was listening to every word from around the corner. Silently sneaking off undetected.  
  
Snape and Harry walked down to Potions for class together.  
  
"You know Harry you can go to your room if you'd like I would understand if you would prefer to, instead of having to see Mr. Malfoy again."  
  
"No, that's okay; I'll have to get use to his comments anyways."  
  
"Are you sure? Because you're going to be late and I heard the Potion's Master, even as handsome as he is, is a real jerk. I'd bet he'll take points off and all." Snape looked over to see a grin on Harry's face. It had been weeks and he hadn't really smiled, but now he was and that's all that mattered.  
  
"Well I heard that he has had a change of heart, and is really nice and even gives out candy for the good students." Harry played along.  
  
"Yeah I heard he did that too, in fact I know that to be true, but he hasn't given out one piece yet."  
  
Stopping before the door Snape turned toward Harry, "If you need to get out of there you can just leave or if you want insult Mr. Malfoy and then I'll send you out."  
  
"Yes sir, but I think I'll be fin."  
  
Snape walked in and Harry hurried after him, they were five minutes late.  
  
"Potter!" Snape roared trying hard to keep his smile as a smirk. "You're late!" he told him. At first Harry was confused but with one look at Snape he said, "Sorry I stopped to sign some autographs." Everyone stared at Harry in shock. How could he have the nerve to not be there for almost a month, show up late to Snape's class of all of them, and then talk back to Snape?" He had to be asking for a quick death.  
  
"That's enough out of you. A detention I think will help you keep your fame in check, take a seat now before I make it worse."  
  
Harry took his seat with Ron and Hermione in the back as Snape started his lecture. Ron and Hermione knew that Harry would only talk to Snape and Myrtle, but for Harry to say something like that was absurd. Scribbling a not on a piece of parchment Hermione handed it to him.  
  
Harry-  
  
What are you playing at? And how did we not lose any points Where are you staying at, you weren't in the boys dorm not the Hospital Wing."  
  
-Herm  
  
Picking up his quill and dipping it in the ink well he wrote back.  
  
Yep - Own Room  
  
A bit sad that he wasn't really responding to them but happy that he'd at least write a couple of words at a time, Hermione listened to the rest of Snape's lecture happily. ~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Ya've read it, now review it! 


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